How YOU Can Help Ideologically Moderate Women Meet the Moment
There is a lot going on in our democracy right now, and it can be hard to have conversations about pressing issues with the people we care about, especially when we’re worried about the impact being open and honest might have on our relationships. But that doesn’t mean we can’t or shouldn’t have these tough conversations, especially as the 2026 midterm elections draw closer. This election is our opportunity to elect a Congress that cares about our country and our future. What that means can look different for different people, and with so much othering and polarization in the news and on social media, it’s important to have frank conversations about who is really looking out for us.
That’s why we’ve put together 5 pieces of advice developed from years of working with ideologically moderate white women that can help you foster an environment where brave, open conversations are possible.
1: Meet them where they are
If you want to have a productive conversation with someone, you have to understand where they’re starting from. Our brains naturally make us feel defensive when we are confronted with unfamiliar concepts or ideas, especially when they challenge our fundamental beliefs about the world.
People are much more likely to connect with and be willing to discuss topics when they feel like a natural extension of what they already believe. This also means addressing (without judgment) underlying biases like internalized sexism or colorblind racial resentment, which can color how people see the world.
For example, many people have been brought up to believe that there are only two immutable genders (which we know isn’t true!) and care deeply about fairness and want to protect children from perceived harm, and so may not be open to discussions of transgender rights. Understanding someone’s perspective can help us have discussions that do not validate these beliefs, but acknowledge that they exist and find ways to guide people towards openness and away from othering without causing them to disengage.
Remember, if someone is starting from a place where they are not open to ideas or may be supporting harmful policies, it might not be possible to move them towards actively taking action right away. Start with helping them see what is harmful and become more open. These conversations aren’t one-and-done—helping the people you love take prosocial action is an ongoing process.
2: Lead with shared values
At the end of the day, we all want what’s best for ourselves and our loved ones. How those values manifest and how we want to achieve those goals may be very different, but at our core, we all want the same thing. Instead of leading with policies or hot topics that might cause people to shut down or get defensive, lead with the outcomes you are hoping for. Leading with shared values like compassion, security, and fairness can help you find common ground and see that there are ways to achieve our goals that do not result in animosity or othering. Leading with shared values can also help your message stick over time.
Take this ad as an example.
People who strongly value fairness and hard work may not immediately agree with policies like paid family leave, SNAP, or other social services because these policies may not feel aligned with those values. This ad seeks to counteract harmful assumptions by choosing a veteran messenger, someone who exemplifies hard work and duty, and leaning on the importance of a mother-child relationship to make both messenger and the message relatable and in line with those values. This framing allows us to show that people benefiting from paid family leave are hardworking, caring people who have paid into the system and are getting the support they need.
3: Validate their experiences
Everyone carries with them their own experiences, hurt, and hopes. When it comes to the big issues in our lives like the economy, healthcare, and how to support children, we all come at these with our own backgrounds and lived experiences and may shut down or get defensive if it feels like others do not value our perspective. Showing that you care about their real and perceived struggles can help them trust you and be more open to accepting different solutions to these problems.
This doesn’t mean legitimizing harmful attitudes, but instead understanding where these attitudes come from and how we can shift people’s thinking so they can see new, more prosocial perspectives.
Here’s an example from our recent Listening Sessions discussion:
Even on a heated and highly personal issue like reproductive rights, all participants leave space for other’s thoughts and experiences. Even though these three participants are not aligned, everyone’s perspective is validated and new stories are told not as a way to argue, but as a way to introduce new points of view.
4: Center personal stories and experiences
Abstract concepts and policies can be difficult to understand and sometimes feel disconnected from our lives. Centering real experiences can help make these abstract ideas more concrete. Rather than talking about “the economy” or “healthcare” as ideas, try telling stories about people struggling to put food on the table or accessing vital care.
Take a look at this moment from the first Listening Sessions discussion and notice how these women ground their discussions of healthcare, a very complicated and deeply personal topic, in stories of their own struggles and the struggles of those close to them.
The issues they are talking about, accessing healthcare, losing insurance, and healthcare companies putting money above people’s lives, are all very complicated and bigger than any individual, but by putting them in the context of the real people struggling and trying to do what’s right, we can better understand what’s wrong with these systems and how we may take steps to make them better.
5: When disagreements arise, ask open-ended questions
Disagreement is natural, but arguments can be avoided. Asking open-ended questions can reduce misunderstandings and help bring in new viewpoints. When we understand where people’s views are coming from, why they feel the way they do, and what they’re afraid of, we can understand why they came to the conclusions they did and how we might be able to combat biases. Rather than telling someone you think their perspective is wrong, ask them how they came to that conclusion.
Remember, discussions about the things that matter most to us can be hard and can bring up a lot of fear, anxiety, and hurt, especially as we come up to an election and people are being bombarded with contradictory information. Leading with understanding, compassion, and acknowledgement of these feelings can help people see new perspectives and look to solutions that are rooted in hope for a shared future, rather than fear and scapegoating.
As always, we hope you will join us as we build an America where we can all thrive, one brave conversation at a time.
